“Emotional dependency is not immature or pathological. It is our greatest strength.”
– Sue Johnson
Introduction
How do you feel about feeling? What about communicating your feelings with the person you love?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is based on the belief that we must feel in order to heal. According to this approach, emotions are at the core of what it means to be human and are powerful sources of information and connection with others. At Abide, we use EFT to help couples reconnect and strengthen their relationships through tuning into their emotions and turning towards one another in a guided, empathetic, and safe way. If you are a feelings-stuffer or struggle with emotionally connecting with your significant other, EFT might be helpful for you!
Background
“To be human is to need others, and this is no flaw or weakness.” -Sue Johnson
Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Les Greenberg in the 1980s, Emotionally Focused Therapy was designed as an experiential, structured, and short-term approach to couples therapy. It operates on the premise that strong emotional connections are fundamental to our well-being and views many relationship issues as the result of disruptions in emotional awareness and connection.
EFT’s roots are in attachment theory, which suggests that humans are inherently wired to create and maintain emotional bonds with significant others. When these bonds are threatened or compromised, individuals experience distress and a sense of disconnection. EFT aims to repair, secure, and strengthen couples’ emotional bonds (secure attachments) by fostering new relational and emotional experiences.
The EFT Process
EFT typically unfolds in three stages:
1. De-escalation of Negative Cycles
The purpose of the first stage is to calm the reactivity and reframe the problem in terms of the couple’s cycle and attachment fears and longings. The counselor helps the couple recognize and understand their negative patterns of interaction, such as blame or withdrawal, and how these patterns contribute to emotional disconnection.
2. Formation of New Patterns
In this stage, couples learn how to change their interactions and practice being emotionally available with one another. The individuals take turns vulnerably naming and sharing their emotions and responding to the other person with love, empathy, and compassion. Through the repetition of these new interactions, the process creates more secure emotional bonds.
3. Consolidation and Integration
The final stage focuses on consolidating the gains made during therapy and integrating the new patterns into everyday interactions. Couples reinforce their emotional bond through practicing their new communication skills and reflect on how their new patterns of interaction decrease conflict and increase connection.
Why EFT Works
Several factors contribute to the effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Therapy:
Focus on Emotion
“Naming an emotion begins the process of regulating and reflecting on it. What we name we can tame; when we give meaning to something we can tolerate it and even change its impact.” – Sue Johnson
By addressing the emotional underpinnings of relationship issues, EFT helps clients connect on a deeper level, moving beyond surface-level conflicts to the core emotional needs.
Empathy and Validation
EFT fosters an environment where individuals feel seen, heard, and validated. This empathetic approach can break down defensive barriers, promote mutual understanding, and increase positive feelings towards one another.
Structured Approach
EFT’s structured nature provides a clear framework for addressing relationship issues, making it easier for couples to track their progress and stay engaged in the process.
Research-Based
EFT is backed by a substantial body of research demonstrating its effectiveness in improving relationship satisfaction, increasing secure attachment bonds, and reducing distress in couples.
Conclusion
Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a structured, empathetic, and evidence-based approach to enhancing relationships. By focusing on emotional connection, availability, and vulnerability, EFT helps individuals and couples navigate their challenges and build more secure, fulfilling bonds. If you’re struggling with emotional disconnection or relationship difficulties, EFT might be the key to unlocking a deeper, more resilient connection with those you care about.
With the guidance of an EFT therapist at Abide and personal commitment, Emotionally Focused Therapy can help you transform your relationship and pave the way for a more connected and emotionally rich life.
Want to learn more about EFT? Eager to begin working with an EFT therapist today? Contact us here.
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