The holiday season is often thought of as a time for joy, connection, and celebration. For many, however, it can also bring a range of challenging emotions, from stress and anxiety to sadness and frustration. Whether it’s the pressure to meet expectations, navigate family dynamics, or simply cope with the chaos of the season, managing our emotions can feel especially difficult during this time of year.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, offers practical (and powerful!) tools for managing intense emotions and building resilience in the face of life’s challenges. DBT is particularly effective for emotional regulation, mindfulness, and improving relationships, making it an excellent resource during the holiday season.
In this blog post, we’ll explore some key DBT skills that can help you maintain emotional balance and manage stress during the holidays.
1. Mindfulness: Staying Present Amidst the Chaos
One of the foundational skills in DBT is mindfulness, which helps you stay grounded and present in the moment. The holidays can be overwhelming with all the distractions—shopping, travel plans, social obligations, and endless to-do lists. It’s easy to feel like you’re caught up in the whirlwind of it all.
Mindfulness can help you slow down, take a deep breath, and focus on what’s happening right now. Rather than getting lost in worries about the future or regrets about the past, mindfulness encourages you to engage fully in the present.
How to practice mindfulness during the holidays:
- Observe your surroundings: Take a few moments to really notice the sights, sounds, and smells around you—whether it’s the scent of a freshly baked pie or the twinkling lights on a Christmas tree.
- Check in with your body: Notice any tension or discomfort in your body and use deep breathing to relax your muscles.
- Focus on one task at a time: Instead of multitasking, try to do one thing mindfully—whether it’s wrapping presents, cooking dinner, or even having a conversation.
Mindfulness helps reduce emotional reactivity and enhances your ability to respond to situations with calmness and clarity, rather than getting overwhelmed by stress or emotions.
2. Distress Tolerance: Handling Difficult Situations
The holidays often bring up difficult situations, such as family conflicts, financial stress, or feelings of loneliness. Distress tolerance skills in DBT are designed to help you cope with these distressing moments without resorting to impulsive or harmful behaviors.
Distress tolerance focuses on accepting the present moment and finding ways to endure tough situations without making them worse. This can be especially useful during family gatherings, where old conflicts or tense dynamics may resurface.
Distress tolerance strategies to try:
- TIP skills (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing): These quick techniques can help you calm your body and reduce emotional intensity when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
- Temperature: Splash your face with cold water or hold a cold pack to your face to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and calm down.
- Intense exercise: Do a few minutes of vigorous physical activity, like jumping jacks or running in place, to release built-up tension.
- Paced breathing: Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, and breathe out for four to activate your relaxation response.
- Radical acceptance: This DBT skill involves accepting reality as it is, even if it’s not what you hoped for. By acknowledging things as they are—whether it’s dealing with difficult family members or holiday expectations that didn’t pan out—you can reduce emotional suffering by shifting from resistance to acceptance.
3. Emotional Regulation: Managing Strong Feelings
During the holidays, emotions often run high. It’s common to feel a mix of joy, sadness, excitement, and frustration. Emotional regulation is one of the core DBT skills, and it involves recognizing, labeling, and changing intense emotions in healthy ways.
Emotional regulation strategies for the holidays:
- Check the facts: Sometimes, our emotional responses are influenced more by our thoughts than the actual situation. If you’re feeling upset, ask yourself: “What is the actual situation here? Are my emotions based on facts, or are they based on assumptions?”
- Opposite action: If you’re feeling angry or frustrated, try doing the opposite of what your emotion is telling you to do. For example, if you’re feeling irritated with a family member, practice showing kindness or patience, which can help reduce the intensity of the emotion.
- Self-soothing: Use your senses to soothe yourself when emotions become overwhelming. This can be as simple as listening to your favorite holiday music, lighting a comforting candle, or wrapping yourself in a warm blanket.
Example: If you’re feeling lonely during the holidays, practice self-soothing by making a warm cup of tea, putting on cozy pajamas, and watching a holiday movie. This can help comfort you in the moment, while also addressing your emotions in a healthier way.
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Setting Boundaries
The holidays often involve spending time with family and friends, and for many people, navigating relationships can be one of the most challenging aspects of the season. Setting clear boundaries and communicating your needs is a key DBT skill that can help you protect your emotional well-being.
How to set healthy boundaries using DBT skills:
- DEAR MAN: This acronym stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate. It’s a helpful structure for asking for what you need while maintaining respectful communication.
- Example: If you’re feeling overwhelmed with holiday obligations, you might say, “I’ve been feeling really stressed with everything going on this holiday season. I need to prioritize my own well-being, so I won’t be able to attend every family gathering. I hope you understand.”
- Give yourself permission to say no: Saying “no” is a powerful tool for maintaining your emotional health. Remember, it’s okay to decline invitations or set limits when you need to.
5. Self-Compassion: Being Kind to Yourself
The holiday season often comes with a lot of pressure to be perfect or to meet others’ expectations. Whether it’s the pressure to get the best gifts, cook the perfect meal, or maintain an image of happiness, it’s easy to become overly self-critical. DBT emphasizes the importance of radical acceptance of ourselves, including our imperfections.
Practicing self-compassion during the holidays:
- Speak kindly to yourself: Instead of focusing on what you “should” be doing or how you “should” be feeling, acknowledge your efforts and give yourself credit for what you are able to do.
- Practice self-care: Set aside time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s taking a walk in nature, reading a book, or simply taking a quiet moment for yourself.
- Let go of perfectionism: The holidays don’t have to be perfect. By accepting that mistakes and imperfections are part of life, you can reduce the pressure you place on yourself.
Final Thoughts
While the holiday season can bring many challenges, using DBT skills for emotional regulation can help you navigate these stressful moments with greater ease and resilience. Remember, the holidays don’t have to be “perfect” for you to experience peace and joy. By practicing and applying these DBT skills, you can manage your emotions more effectively, set boundaries, and create space for connection and meaning—no matter what the season throws your way.
Happy holidays!
*If you are interested in working on emotional regulation and other DBT skills with a professional, please reach out to us here.
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